One

From February 10, 2008...




To February 10, 2009...













*******************************************************************
My little Finnalinn,

The first time I saw you move I was visiting Grammy and Papi, and lying on the couch. Daddy was at home in London, and I watched as my stomach jumped up and down. I knew, at that very instant, that the depth of my love for you was more than I ever felt possible. What I didn’t know was that it was possible for it to grow more and more every single day.

The night I was in labor with you I was alone, and scared. I wanted your daddy with me, and I couldn’t believe that I was in so much pain. When the midwife asked me if I didn’t know that childbirth was painful I started to cry, and I realized that no matter what she said to me, no matter how much I would complain about it for days afterwards, it was all worth it because I was one step closer to meeting you, our Fizzy. I begged you to come out quickly, but, like the whole of my pregnancy, you had our own way of doing things, and you just weren’t ready. And when you did make your arrival in this world, in front of me and daddy and Grammy, you had to be whisked away because you weren’t crying, and for a minute my world stopped. The moment we heard you cry my heart tripled in size and was flooded with love all over again.

This past year has gone so quickly, even with moments when I thought I would never sleep a full night again, when I realized that sleep deprivation is real but as a mom you just do it, you get through it and know that someday that elusive sleep will come again. I wish I could stop moments in time; your first smile, your first laugh, your first crawl, the first time you watched daddy enter the room and your face lit up and you said ‘dada’. These memories will forever be etched in my memory and stored in my heart, and, much like the day I married your dad, will be amongst my happiest.

You are, as I have said before, all boy. You climb and you explore and your curiosity keeps you going for most of the day. You could crawl around the table, but you only want to crawl through it. You crawl with your head down, looking at the floor, and we jokingly say ‘Finn, look up, look up’ but deep down I hope you are always as inquisitive as you are now. You have your whole life to look up, and part of what makes you our little Finnegan is your exploration of the world around you. You love cups and blocks and Tupperware and you could watch planes in the air for hours, and the playground at the small airport by our house may be the best find we have made in Atlanta. You read books all day long, you just sit and absorb the shapes and animals and colors. I am so happy that one of the traits I have passed on to you was my love of words, although right now you are still enjoying your love of pictures more than words.

We know when you have something you shouldn’t, as you like to call out to us, show us your hand, quickly put it to your mouth and turbo crawl away. When we are getting dinner ready and it gets quiet I know you are up to no good, and often I am right, but you look up at us, your blue eyes as big as saucers and your impish smile that implores us not to come after you, and we end up chasing you around the room as you laugh and laugh, a sound which fills our home with so much happiness.

We spend a lot of time listening to music, and I think I enjoy some of your music more than you do! You laugh when I dance all crazy, but you have started to dance as well, and after you dance a little you look at me and smile. I know there will be a time when we don’t dance together, when you decide I am not cool enough, and after that the next time will be at your wedding, and while that already makes me sad to think about I will enjoy the time we have dancing together now, acting crazy and singing Willy Was A Whale and Look At My Belly.

Your fascination with food is less for the taste and more for the fun, and you think throwing it on the floor over and over is part of every meal. Fruit is possibly your most favorite thing, from mandarin oranges to all berries to grapes and bananas. I am pretty sure you would eat fruit all day long if we let you, and every once in a while you like some peas thrown in for good measure.

Our lives have changed so much over the past year Finnster, and while you may not remember the events of the last 12 months I will never forget them. I don’t know what we did before you were ours, and I can’t remember my life without you. I am sad you are no longer my baby, but you will always be my little boy.

Happy first birthday Finlay Reeves, may your life bring you as much love and joy as you have brought to us.

Love,
Mama